The performance review a leader never gets

It's a quarter to eight in the evening. Anne has just wrapped up her last performance review of the week, the eighth. She closes her laptop, stares for a moment at the darkening window, and realises: all week, no one asked how she was doing.

That's not an incident. That's the role.

Self-reflection for leaders is rare. Leaders are perfectly capable of it, yet their role has no built-in moment where someone listens to their undercurrent. They assess others and hold up the mirror, while that mirror is seldom turned back on them. And that very blind spot often shapes their leadership more than any competency ever could.

Who reviews the reviewer?

In most organisations, feedback flows in one direction and thins out as it rises. The employee gets an annual review, a 360-degree round and a development plan. The team lead gets the same, but already less sharply a level up. And at board level it almost evaporates entirely: the higher you climb, the fewer people still dare to question you honestly.

Research by organisational psychologist Tasha Eurich shows how stubborn that blind spot is: while 95% of people think they are self-aware, only 10 to 15% actually are (Eurich, 2018). For leaders, that gap widens as their position rises, precisely because outside correction falls away. They hear what they want to hear, not what they need to hear.

Working non-stop isn't always a talent

This week MT/Sprout published a piece that speaks to this with unexpected sharpness: 'Why you can't stop working (and what your parents have to do with it)'. Its core, drawn from research by Insead professor Jennifer Petriglieri, is sobering. Working non-stop when no one asked you to is often a survival pattern rather than a talent: an identity you once built as a child to feel safe, seen or worthy (Swiers, 2026).

What looks like a quality (that boundless drive, that endless carrying on) is sometimes a learned answer to an old question that was never asked out loud.

For a leader, that's an uncomfortable insight. Because pushing through and always being available are exactly what leadership rewards. The pattern that drains you is the same pattern that promotes you. Without a moment of self-reflection, the question stays unanswered: is this a strength I choose, or a survival mechanism that lives me?

Why self-reflection for leaders is so rare

The leader never gets the conversation he gives everyone else, for a few quiet reasons. The role demands certainty, so voicing doubt feels like weakness and the undercurrent gets buried instead of examined. The structure is missing: there's a form for the employee, but no agenda item for the leader's own story. And the environment no longer mirrors, because people adjust their honesty to power, often without noticing.

The result is a leader who oversees everything but themselves. And an organisation that never hears the most important undercurrent of all: that of the person setting the course.

The difference between a score and a story

This isn't solved with more measuring. An extra 360-degree tool or a sharper leadership scan gives you language and structure, and that's valuable. But a score tells you what is there, not why it's there. It shows that you score high on decisiveness; it doesn't tell you whether that decisiveness is a conscious choice or an old wound still working overtime.

That's exactly the layer a story opens up. At NarraTyx that starts with the personal story module of NarraTyx: a reflection instrument, inspired by narrative frameworks such as the Hero's Journey, that helps you understand without judging. It gives no number and no ranking, but anchors and tensions, and the questions a leader rarely asks himself. The score is the beginning; the story completes it. It's the same premise on which leadership development begins with your own story: the behaviour you train traces back to the story that explains it.

How do you organise the review a leader never gets?

You don't need to build a new appraisal system for it. What a leader needs is genuine listening: a place where the undercurrent is allowed out loud, without an evaluation attached to it. A few questions open that conversation surprisingly fast. Which pattern in my leadership earns me the most praise, and where does it come from? When did I work hardest without anyone asking, and what was I trying to prove? And what would my team tell me honestly if it carried no consequences?

Those who take these questions seriously often discover that leadership development has less to do with a new skill than with understanding what you suppress in change and it always returns. The leader who knows their own story no longer has to project it, unaware, onto their team.

The next week, Anne set something small in motion. No new form, no extra scan. She asked her coach one thing: "this time, ask me the questions I ask everyone else." The conversation that followed was the first in years that was about her.

And you? When did you last receive the performance review you give everyone around you?

Want to experience what that conversation sounds like when it starts with your own story? A NarraTyx trial conversation is a good place to begin.

Frequently asked questions

What exactly is self-reflection for leaders?Self-reflection for leaders is the deliberate examination of your own drivers, patterns and undercurrent, meant to understand rather than to appraise. Where a leader gives others feedback, self-reflection looks at the story behind one's own leadership behaviour: why you do what you do, and whether that's a choice or a learned pattern.

Why do leaders themselves rarely get a performance review?Because feedback in organisations thins out as it rises: the higher the position, the fewer people dare to be honest. The role also demands certainty, there's no structure for the leader's own story, and the environment adjusts its honesty to power.

Is working non-stop a strong leadership trait?Not by definition. Research from Insead (via MT/Sprout, 2026) shows that relentless work is often a survival pattern rooted in your life story rather than a talent. For leaders that's risky, because this behaviour is exactly what gets rewarded, reinforcing an exhausting pattern instead of examining it.

Does a story replace a leadership assessment?No. An assessment or 360-degree scan gives valuable language and structure; the story adds the layer a score can't provide: the why behind the behaviour. NarraTyx is a reflection instrument that deepens existing tools rather than replacing them: the score is the beginning, the story completes it.

Sources

• Eurich, T. (2018). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it). Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
• Swiers, K. (2026, July 20). Why you can't stop working (and what your parents have to do with it). MT/Sprout. https://mtsprout.nl/werk-leven/waarom-je-niet-kunt-stoppen-met-werken-en-wat-je-ouders-daarmee-te-maken-hebben